Back in 1990, when my children were in school and desktop PCs were just beginning to make their mark in India, I applied for a loan to purchase a home computer. At the time, one of my colleagues questioned my decision, asking why I preferred to buy a computer when I didn’t even own a VCR—a symbol of modern entertainment back then. Cable TV was still in its infancy, and watching movies on a VCR had become the latest craze.
I smiled and explained that my decision was guided by my fifth-grade son, who had shown an early knack for coding in the BASIC language, a skill he had learned at school. His talent and enthusiasm were evident—one of his articles had even been published in the children’s section of a leading computer magazine of the time, Dataquest.
As parents, my spouse and I firmly believed in leading by example. If we didn’t want our children to spend hours watching movies, we felt it was essential to demonstrate the same restraint ourselves. Instead of indulging in fleeting entertainment, we prioritized spending quality time with our children. This approach not only kept us engaged but also strengthened our family bond. We never felt we missed out on movies or other forms of entertainment because the joy of working and playing alongside our son far outweighed any momentary distractions.
Having a computer at home also proved invaluable for my own work. It allowed me to focus on tasks requiring undivided attention, especially given the frequent interruptions I faced at the office. Looking back, investing in a computer rather than a trendy VCR was one of the most rewarding decisions we made—for both our family’s growth and my personal development.
Fast forward to today’s fast-paced and ever-evolving world, where distractions are far more numerous and intrusive. The challenge of managing impulsive behaviours—both in parents and children—has only grown.
But true leadership remains timeless. It is about exemplifying the behaviour you wish your children and juniors to emulate. Leadership is not about authority or control—it’s about influence, inspiration, and, most importantly, setting a positive example. As the saying goes, “Actions speak louder than words.” When leaders practice what they preach, they inspire trust, foster growth, and build stronger, more resilient communities.
In this blog, we explore the power of leading by example—a trait that seems increasingly rare in our digitally distracted age.
The Power of Leading by Example
In 1973, when I was preparing for the Engineering Services Exam held by UPSC, I remember reading a sentence for elaboration in the previous years’ question paper which still rings in my mind,” He led his regiment from behind, he found it less exciting.” At that stage I didn’t know that this quote was attributed to E.W.Howe, an American novelist and newspaper editor, known for his witticisms and aphorisms. Yet I found this line worth adopting in my life as my work ethics in office and as the lead member of my family.
Indeed, a true leader doesn’t just tell people what to do; they show how it’s done. Whether in the workplace, at home, or within society, actions often resonate deeper than speeches. The Bhagavad Geeta-the real Guru of Hindus directs as under:
Bhagavad Gita (3.21):
यद्यदाचरति श्रेष्ठस्तत्तदेवेतरो जनः।
स यत्प्रमाणं कुरुते लोकस्तदनुवर्तते।।
Meaning:
Whatever a great person does, others follow. Whatever standards they set, the world emulates. Thus, it is incumbent upon the true leader to adorn an exemplary behaviour for others to follow. This has guided me throughout my work and family life.
When leaders live by the values they advocate—be it honesty, diligence, or compassion—they set a standard for others to emulate. This form of leadership is the most effective, as it motivates people intrinsically rather than through force or coercion.
Take, for example, Mahatma Gandhi’s approach to leadership. He didn’t just talk about non-violence; he practiced it throughout his life, even in the face of great adversity. His life became a living testament to his beliefs, inspiring millions to join his movement for India’s independence. It wasn’t just his words but his actions that fuelled the transformation.
Why Leading by Example Matters Today
In today’s world, where misinformation and empty promises are common, leading by example has never been more critical. Whether in politics, business, or family life, people look up to those who embody integrity and authenticity. When leaders demonstrate the behaviours, they wish to see in others, it creates a ripple effect that can transform entire organizations and communities.
For instance, in corporate culture, a manager who works alongside their team—sharing both challenges and successes—earns respect and loyalty. This approach not only builds a cohesive team but also sets a benchmark for work ethics and dedication. Employees are more likely to go the extra mile when they see their leaders doing the same.
During my career, my approach to teamwork was sometimes seen as unconventional by my seniors. For me, when working towards an objective, the merit of an idea mattered far more than the seniority of the person proposing it. This perspective often clashed with traditional hierarchical norms.
I recall an episode from 1978 when I was a young engineer working on the Ganga-Brahmaputra Water System Studies. At the time, conceiving a mega project involving a one-kilometre-wide and 300-kilometer-long canal upstream of the Farakka Barrage, at a cost of nearly ₹35,000 crores, seemed almost unimaginable. Out of curiosity, I summoned the courage to ask my Chief Engineer, “Sir, how are we going to afford it?”
He looked at me sternly and said, “Give me your bright ideas!” Instead of staying silent, I suggested, “Sir, one way could be to install turbines on all major tributaries of the Brahmaputra—around 100 of which have perennial discharge. This could generate power and, over time, selling water and power to industries could help us fund the project.”
Though my suggestion was laughed off at the time, in retrospect, it might not have been such a bad idea. Today, we see mini-hydel projects implemented using a similar approach on the Brahmaputra.
The point I wish to make is this: for a team to achieve its best, especially in service of the nation, every idea deserves consideration. By valuing every proposal—regardless of the source—we foster creativity, innovation, and unity. This was a principle I tried to uphold throughout my career.
Leading by Example Starts at Home
Leading by example isn’t confined to the workplace—it begins at home. Parents are the first role models’ children encounter. Kids learn far more from what they see their parents do than from what they are told. When parents embody qualities like kindness, empathy, and perseverance, they sow the seeds of these values in their children.
One pressing issue today is the challenge of managing excessive screen time for kids. Many of us are aware of the negative consequences, such as reduced attention spans, mobile addiction, unhelpful behaviour, and even mental health issues. Yet, few of us take proactive steps to regulate our own screen time and spend quality moments with our children.
It starts with simple, everyday scenarios—like shopping in a mall with a small child who seeks attention. All too often, parents use a mobile device as a distraction tool. Over time, this habit can grow into a significant addiction for the child, leading to adverse consequences. In our family, we chose a different path. We never expected our children to practice something we couldn’t follow ourselves.
For instance, during their crucial study years, we didn’t have cable TV at home. This principle of limiting distractions extended to their own parenting styles. Now settled in the USA, our children also strive to limit screen time for their young kids, continuing the cycle of mindful parenting.
Another example of leading by example is as simple as keeping promises. In our household, we never tempted our children with unrealistic assurances. Instead, when they were teenagers, I told them:
“I will do my best to provide you with the opportunity for a good education within my means. But if it doesn’t work out for you, I will have no regrets, as I will have fulfilled my duty to the best of my ability.”
This straightforward honesty set the foundation for mutual respect and understanding. I kept my commitment, and they kept theirs by thriving in life.
I still vividly remember a moment when a postman delivered an appreciation letter from the Central Board of Secondary Education for my daughter, who had scored the highest marks in sociology in Class 12. He asked me, “What does it take for children to achieve this?”
My answer was simple: “It’s no magic—just being disciplined yourself, instead of trying to discipline the kids.”
Challenges of Leading by Example
Leading by example sounds straightforward, but it requires self-discipline, consistency, and often sacrifices. It’s not about perfection but about striving to live by one’s values, even when it’s difficult. Mistakes happen, but how a leader responds to their own shortcomings also sets an example. Admitting faults, learning from them, and making amends demonstrates humility and a commitment to growth.
Consider the story of Ratan Tata, a business icon celebrated for his integrity. During the 2008 terrorist attacks in Mumbai, the Tata Group didn’t just focus on minimizing losses. Instead, they prioritized supporting victims and their families, setting a new benchmark for corporate responsibility. This decision wasn’t just about good PR; it was about living their values, inspiring other organizations to follow suit.
Inspiring Change Through Action
Leading by example creates a culture of accountability and excellence. It’s contagious; when people see their leaders living the values they preach, they are inspired to follow suit. In schools, for instance, teachers who show passion and curiosity for learning inspire students to be more engaged. In communities, a single individual’s act of kindness can set off a chain reaction, encouraging others to contribute positively.
This principle is deeply rooted in ancient wisdom as well. In the Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna advises Arjuna, “Whatever a great person does, others follow. The standard they set becomes the standard for others.” The essence of this teaching is that our actions, more than our words, set the path for others to walk on.
Conclusion: The Legacy of Example
Leading by example isn’t just a leadership style—it’s a legacy. It leaves a lasting impact on those who witness it, creating a culture where values aren’t just talked about; they are lived. Whether it’s in the boardroom, the classroom, or the family home, there is truly nothing like leading by example.
As we move forward in our own lives, let’s ask ourselves: Are we setting the example we want others to follow? Because at the end of the day, the most powerful form of leadership is the one that comes from a place of integrity, where actions align with values, and where every step taken is a step others can proudly walk in.
“At the end of the day, the most powerful form of leadership is one where actions align with values. Let us strive to lead by example, leaving behind a legacy of integrity and inspiration.”
Inspire Positivity 