In Hindu thought, parents are central to a child’s life, symbolizing security, love, care, and guidance. Parents provide the foundation for a child’s growth, and this respect for them is deeply rooted in Hindu scriptures. A powerful example is found in the Taittiriya Upanishad (Shikshavalli, Chapter 11), a significant text of Hindu philosophy. One verse reads:
सत्यं वद, धर्मं चर, मातृदेवो भव, पितृदेवो भव।
This line, an ethical guide for students completing their studies, translates as:
- सत्यं वद (“Satyam Vada”) – Speak the truth.
- धर्मं चर (“Dharmam Chara”) – Follow righteousness.
- मातृदेवो भव (“Matridevo Bhava”) – Regard your mother as a goddess.
- पितृदेवो भव (“Pitrudevo Bhava”) – Regard your father as a god.
These verses emphasize the importance of truth, duty, and parental respect, values foundational to Vedic tradition.
Recently, my driver, a Buddhist married to someone of a different faith, asked a thought-provoking question. He said, “Sir, my teenage children are being told that their celestial father is their real father, not the father who has given birth to them on this earth!” His question illuminates a contrast between Hindu teachings, which emphasize honoring earthly parents, and other faiths that encourage devotion to a celestial father figure. This difference highlights how beliefs shape children’s perception of earthly versus spiritual parents.
I playfully suggested that he ask his children to request their monthly allowance from their spiritual father. His silence gave me pause to reflect on the story of Dhruva from the Vishnu Purana and Bhagavata Purana, a tale of resilience, divine grace, and unwavering devotion.
The Story of Dhruva
Dhruva was a young prince, the son of King Uttanapada and his lesser-favored queen, Suniti. Despite his royal birth, Dhruva faced rejection from his father due to his stepmother Suruchi’s jealousy, who insisted that only her son should inherit the throne. Heartbroken, Dhruva sought validation from his mother, who advised him to seek Lord Vishnu’s blessings. Taking her words to heart, Dhruva, at just five years old, ventured into the forest to meditate and find a status greater than any other.
Under the guidance of the sage Narada, Dhruva meditated with unwavering focus on Lord Vishnu. After six months of austerities, Lord Vishnu appeared, moved by Dhruva’s dedication, and granted him a fixed, radiant place in the cosmos as the North Star (Dhruva Nakshatra)—a symbol of constancy and resilience.
Dhruva’s story teaches the value of resilience, reverence, and seeking blessings through sincere devotion. He transformed from a hurt child into an enduring symbol of strength. Today, it can be painful for parents when children use similar language to distance themselves, often for leverage rather than genuine spiritual intent. Many such declarations are made not out of devotion but as a way to apply pressure, knowing parents will not abandon them.
Encouraging respect for both earthly and spiritual teachings can foster an environment where spirituality complements family values of respect and gratitude. This is especially relevant in today’s materialistic world, where children often question parents’ roles when they cannot meet demands for the latest gadgets or trends.
Recapitulating Traditions and Their Transformation
Throughout history, respect for parents and family has experienced ebbs and flows, tracing back to early Indian epics. Let’s follow this arc from the era of Shravan Kumar to the conflicts of the Mahabharata, periods of stability, and the later decline during the Mughal era. Today, rapid urbanization challenges traditional values even further, raising questions about the future and the steps needed to restore balance.
Ancient India: Shravan Kumar and Rama: the Height of Filial Devotion
The tale of Shravan Kumar, who carried his blind parents on his shoulders to pilgrimage sites, demonstrates selfless service and devotion, epitomizing filial piety. This period represents an era when respect for parents was integral to one’s duty. Similarly, Lord Rama, revered as “Maryada Purushottam,” endured exile to honour his father’s word, exemplifying the revered role of parents in ancient traditions. But these high ideals declined as the time progressed.
Decline in Values and the Mahabharata Era (Family Discord)
The Mahabharata tells of a period when filial devotion faced challenges. For instance, Kansa imprisoned his father Ugrasena and mistreated his sister Devaki. Family discord is also seen in the rivalry between the Kauravas and Pandavas, whose greed and jealousy ultimately led to a devastating war. The Mahabharata shows that neglecting familial respect can lead to immense suffering, a lesson for future generations.
Post-Mahabharata Period: Restoration of Family Values
After the Mahabharata, family values stabilized, possibly as a response to the epic’s lessons. During the Maurya and Gupta periods, family loyalty and respect for elders were emphasized, particularly in joint family structures, which became sources of support and stability. These values were widely preserved until Mughal times, although societal standards of the ruling class began to decline. Their heightened selfishness and ego driven individualistic behaviour ultimately led to their downfall.
Mughal Era: Decline in Values Amidst Power Struggles
The Mughal period saw a further decline in familial bonds, particularly among the elite, as power struggles often led to betrayal within families. Instances like Aurangzeb imprisoning his father, Shah Jahan, underscore this shift. While community standards upheld respect for elders, the ruling class often diverged from these values. Despite this, joint family systems endured at the village level. However, the ruling class became a model for emulation by the commoners, and these episodes provided unhelpful examples for people to follow.
British Era: Urban Migration and Its Impact on Family Structures
The British era marked the beginning of mass urban migration in India. Young men left villages for cities, and the joint family structure began to erode as nuclear families became common in urban settings. However, migrants maintained connections with their rural homes, balancing rural traditions with urban life. This period initiated changes that continue to influence modern family dynamics in the post-independence era, with the economic realities of industrialization, infrastructure development, and commercialization that come with progress.
Modern Times: Urbanization, Migration, and Eroding Family Bonds
As I reflect on the post-independence era, I recall my experiences as a child, interacting with part-time domestic help who worked as casual labourers on a Railway Project in Delhi, where my father served as a Divisional Accountant. Being an only child, I often found myself in their company, playing and listening to their stories. This exposure, from the ages of five to fifteen, introduced me to people from the hills and plains, sharing tales of village life, strong social bonds, unique traditions, and the challenges they faced.
A common theme in these stories was the enduring presence of joint family structures at the village level. However, there were also conflicts, as siblings sometimes vied for control over family assets, including land and ancestral homes. The rivalry sometimes escalated to tragic extremes—one of my father’s colleagues was killed while attempting to mediate a family dispute in his native village. As younger generations migrated to cities or abroad, traditional family values came under new pressures, and maintaining cohesive family units grew challenging. Often, one brother would stay behind in the village to oversee family assets, while others moved away, creating a shift in family dynamics.
Where Are We Heading?
The erosion of family values today brings us to a pivotal point. As children move away for economic reasons, even retired parents find themselves separated from family. A trend of placing elders in well-managed facilities may be a necessary compromise, but it underscores the diminishing role of family care.
Impending Demographic Reality
The demographic realities of India underscore the importance of these values. Projections indicate a rapidly aging population: by 2031, the number of people aged 70-74 is expected to reach 32.6 million, up from 25.8 million in 2021. Similarly, those aged 75-79 will increase to 18.6 million by 2031, and by 2050, over 20% of India’s population will be elderly. This demographic shift creates a profound need for comprehensive, forward-thinking policies to support the aging population. This underscores the urgency to develop and implement a credible elder care plan in the context of widespread economic migration.
Path Forward: A Call to Restore Respect and Responsibility
Revisiting values that once bound families can help restore balance. Steps society can take include:
- Redefine Modern Values with Traditional Principles: Emphasize family importance in modern contexts, balancing independence with responsibility. This requires careful introspection. While migration to distant places is the new economic reality, it is essential that there is a lasting bond between the older generation and GenNext. It is also recognized that the nuclear family doesn’t wish to compromise its independence. Recently, I observed a trend of seniors in reasonable health, staying separately from their children within the same society of the city their children are employed. This seems like a good trade-off to retain the independence of both generations while keeping the old values of daily interactions. For situations where the older generation ages and becomes unable to look after themselves, it is not practical for them to manage daily affairs alone. For such situations, an assisted senior home should be planned in a cluster of societies where the working couples and their children can visit regularly.
In rural areas, for parents who prefer to spend their old age in their villages, the Gram Panchayats could levy a family tax to help provide elder care. - Encourage Intergenerational Dialogue: Programs fostering connections between younger and older generations can strengthen family bonds, with schools playing a pivotal role. Junior schools should ensure frequent interaction between generations through storytelling, experience sharing, and play. These interactions provide children with a broader perspective, helping them learn about history, culture, and values from a personal viewpoint, while seniors feel valued and engaged.
Older students should be encouraged to assist elders in their day-to-day activities, preserving empathy and respect across generations. By involving young people directly in the care of older individuals, these interactions become lasting experiences, nurturing a sense of social responsibility.
Conclusion
The question, “What have my parents done for me?” signals a shift from traditional family gratitude to a sense of entitlement, highlighting a modern challenge to values that have historically shaped strong family units. This mindset shift is significant, as it may undercut the sense of responsibility toward older generations. History has shown that societies which uphold family bonds and respect for elders tend to benefit from a more cohesive and resilient social fabric. Conversely, neglecting these bonds can lead to fragmentation and a loss of the invaluable wisdom that older generations pass down.
To address this, we must look toward solutions that respect the independence and dignity of the elderly while fostering intergenerational support. For example, encouraging older generations to live near, but not necessarily with, their younger family members allow for daily interaction without compromising anyone’s independence. Assisted senior homes within urban clusters can provide essential support for those who need it, allowing working families to maintain close connections without sacrificing their professional responsibilities. These community-based solutions can create environments where seniors are not isolated but are instead integrated into a larger support network.
In rural areas, where migration often leaves elderly parents with minimal support, the Gram Panchayats could be empowered to levy modest family taxes dedicated to elder care services. This local approach would not only provide targeted support for aging individuals but also foster a renewed sense of social responsibility among families who have migrated for economic reasons.
Ultimately, preserving the values of intergenerational support and respect will require a thoughtful, integrated approach that recognizes the needs of both young and old in a rapidly modernizing world. By drawing from historical lessons and adapting to modern circumstances, we can ensure that our aging population receives the care, respect, and connection they deserve. This will strengthen the social fabric, maintaining bonds that are as vital today as they have ever been.
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