–Vijay Kumar Dhingra
Introduction
We are currently in the midst of Pitra Paksha—a sacred period when we honour our ancestors by performing the rituals of Tarpan to offer solace to their souls. As I lay down yesterday, reflecting on this tradition, I felt inspired to write a poem about the state of things today:
विडंबना
कैसी है विडंबना,
कि अक्सर लोग
पितरों के श्राद्ध पर
तो बनायें पकवान,
पर जीते जी नहीं
उनका कोई कदरदान।
जीते जी तरसाएँ,
पर मरों पर धन बरसायें;
जीतों की हो उपेक्षा,
मरों से आशीर्वाद की अपेक्षा।
इंसान सिर्फ कर के दिखावा,
अपने आप से करे छलावा।
कर पाएं जो जीते, मां-बाप की आत्मा तृप्त,
श्राद्ध करें या नहीं, पाएं असीसों का अमृत।
- विजय कुमार ढींगरा
English Version:
Irony
Oh, what irony life reveals,
People cook elaborate meals
To honour those who’ve passed away,
Yet living souls, they often betray.
While the living yearn and plead,
On the dead, they lavishly feed;
Neglect the living’s rightful place,
Yet from the dead, they seek grace.
Humans live behind a façade,
Deceiving themselves, it’s rather odd.
If we honour parents while they live,
Blessings will flow, without the need to give
A feast in death, for peace above—
For love in life brings eternal love.
I have attempted to capture the truth or reality in the above poems, reflecting on the conditions and how they have evolved since ancient times. Indeed, the issue of reliable elder care in India demands immediate attention from both society and the government. Traditionally, elders were expected to live with their extended families, particularly with their sons, who would care for them. However, the economic realities of urbanization have drastically reshaped this expectation. Disintegrating family structures, a growing preference for privacy, selfishness, and factors like shrinking urban living spaces, transferable jobs, and children moving abroad have further complicated the situation. As we observe ‘Pitrapaksha,’ this blog explores these evolving dynamics.
The Cultural Context
In my childhood, much like many other Indians, my maternal grandmother would narrate the epic tale of the Ramayana to me. Rama, revered as a god, epitomized unwavering dedication to upholding honour, ideals, and timeless traditions. He ventured into the unforgiving depths of the forest, enduring its hardships and perils for a formidable fourteen years, undeterred by suffering, all to uphold his father Dasaratha’s word of honour to his stepmother, Kekayi. This narrative served as a cornerstone for instilling family values in young minds. Perhaps, in recounting this tale, every grandmother perceives a glimpse of Rama in her grandchildren. However, reality often diverges. Even in the era of the Mahabharata, where we encounter familial discord and rivalry among cousins, yet respect for elders endured. Despite instances where grandparents or uncles met tragic ends at the hands of their own kin, ostensibly in pursuit of righteousness (Dharma), the reverence for elders persisted.
Legends echo tales such as Asoka’s rise to power, marked by fratricide, or the contentious demise of Maharana Kumbha, purportedly at the hands of his son, Udaysimha (Uday Singh I) (although historical accounts vary). The essence I seek to convey lies in the contrast between the lofty standards set by figures like Sri Rama and the stark realities of human frailty.
The allure of material wealth and power often veers individuals, particularly within royal circles, from idealistic paths. Greed, manifested as “Jara” (Wealth), “Joru” (Power struggles among women), and “Zamin” (Control of Land Resources), leads to moral compromises. Yet, traditional rural and semi-urban societies, bound by close-knit communal ties and upheld by time-honoured Berardi heads and Panchayats, maintained a sense of collective responsibility. Arranged marriages were fortified by societal pressures, and the duty to care for aging parents was ingrained.
Even during times of crisis, such as the pre-partition era or post-partition upheavals, extended families rallied to support one another. However, the tide of urbanization, materialism, and nuclear family structures has eroded these foundations. With migration to cities for economic opportunities, traditional values have waned. The patriarchal expectation of sons caring for aging parents has yielded to desires for independence, straining familial bonds.
Urban middle-class ethos now prioritizes wealth accumulation over ancestral wisdom, relegating moral teachings to mere relics. The enactment of the Maintenance and Welfare of Parents and Senior Citizens Act in 2007 acknowledges the growing need to safeguard the elderly. Yet, legislative measures alone cannot rectify the moral bankruptcy afflicting society. Immediate relief for neglected seniors must transcend bureaucratic hurdles.
Current and Projected Situation of Elders:
- Growing Elderly Population: As per recent reports, India’s elderly population is set to double by 2050, from 10% to 20%, indicating an urgent need for better support systems. The UNFPA India Ageing Report 2023 highlights this demographic shift and the challenges it presents, such as inadequate healthcare services and financial insecurity for seniors( UNFPA India Ageing Report 2023).
- Elder Abuse and Neglect: Elder abuse is a significant concern, with studies showing that 15-18% of older adults in India experience some form of abuse, primarily from family members. This includes neglect, verbal and physical abuse, and financial exploitation. (Longitudinal Ageing Study in India (LASI); Ministry of Health and Family Welfare 2017-2020 conducted with a sample size of 72000 across 35 States in India).
- Inadequate Elder Care Facilities: Despite various government initiatives, India still lacks sufficient infrastructure for elder care. The number of government-supported old age homes and healthcare services is far below what is required, particularly in rural areas. (UNFPA India Ageing Report 2023).
- Economic Pressures: The Longitudinal Ageing Study in India (LASI) revealed that about 18% of the elderly population is financially dependent on others, mainly their children, for survival (LASI (referred above). This economic strain often leads to neglect when family priorities shift towards personal financial goals.
Possible Solutions
Reinstating Cultural Education: Schools should impart moral and cultural values alongside academic pursuits, drawing from diverse traditions and narratives.
Promoting Social Responsibility: Mandatory social service initiatives should include aiding seniors, fostering empathy and compassion among youth.
Establishing Senior Care Infrastructure: A dedicated fund for senior care facilities and services, coupled with specialized tribunals to speedily address their needs, is essential.
Conclusion
As India’s demographic landscape shifts and the elderly population continues to grow, it is incumbent upon all of us—not just the government—to uphold the legacy of familial bonds. It begins with caring for those who are still with us, offering time, compassion, and resources to ensure their well-being. By doing so, we truly honor our ancestors, not merely through rituals, but through meaningful actions that reflect our shared responsibilities. This issue requires urgent attention, demanding synergized efforts between the government, civil society, and individuals to safeguard the dignity and care of our elders.
Inspire Positivity 