Inspire Positivity

Marriage is indeed a cultural ritual that celebrates the union of two individuals. It serves as a public declaration of their commitment to live together and support each other throughout their lives. This ritual varies across different cultures and societies but generally includes elements that affirm this commitment in the presence of family, friends, and community. At least people of my generation think so.

However, when discharging my social obligation of attending some marriages, I observed that the real ritual of marriages—particularly Hindu marriages—seems shortened, symbolized, and even almost forgotten in some cases, with the commercially more attractive grandeur, gourmet, and glam overshadowing it. In today’s world, who has the time and inclination to revisit the rituals and traditions that once were revered for their deep symbolic meanings?

Revisiting the Seven Promises

One such beautiful but subdued tradition is the ritual of the seven promises, or “Saptapadi,” which is an integral part of Hindu weddings. This ancient ritual involves the bride and groom taking seven rounds around a sacred fire, each round symbolizing a promise made to each other. These promises are meant to form the foundation of their married life, guiding them through their journey together.

As an old timer, I find it hard to accept this change even after adapting to modernism and the increased commercialization of marriages. This is why I attempted to revisit these sacred rituals and their meanings in my novel, “Quest for Excellence: Young Adult Days and Later.”

In the above book, the marriage of two bright classmates transform to soulmates as well, while supporting each other emotionally in developing an app that lays the foundation of their bright future, decide to tie the knot and get married. For the benefit of those who have forgotten (I bet most of us would have!), let’s revisit the seven promises that we made to each other while getting married:

Seven Rounds Revisited

First Round: Nourishment

• Promise: The couple vows to provide for each other and ensure they lead a healthy life together.
• Lead: Bride
• Reason: The bride traditionally managed the kitchen, symbolizing her role in nurturing and maintaining the household.

Second Round: Strength

• Promise: The couple promises to support and protect each other through life’s challenges.
• Lead: Bride
• Reason: This signifies the bride’s strength and support in the relationship, providing emotional and moral support.

Third Round: Prosperity

• Promise: The bride ensures financial stability and success of the family.
• Lead: Bride
• Reason: This emphasizes her contribution to the household’s prosperity and economic stability.

Fourth Round: Happiness

• Promise: The couple promises to share joy and sorrows.
• Lead: Groom
• Reason: The groom’s leadership signifies his commitment to ensuring the family’s happiness.

Fifth Round: Progeny

• Promise: The couple promises to be responsible parents.
• Lead: Groom
• Reason: The groom leads to symbolize his responsibility in providing for and protecting the future generation.

Sixth Round: Health

• Promise: The couple vows to lead a healthy and harmonious life together.
• Lead: Groom
• Reason: The groom’s leadership reflects his commitment to the family’s health and wellness.

Seventh Round: Friendship

• Promise: The couple promises to remain best friends.
• Lead: Groom
• Reason: This represents the culmination of their partnership, emphasizing friendship and mutual respect.

The seven rounds around the fire in a Hindu marriage highlight the essential pursuits of a successful union. The duties of providing nourishment, strength, and prosperity are assigned to the bride, while the responsibilities of ensuring happiness, progeny, health, and friendship fall to the groom.

The Changed Scenario

As we delve deeper into the realities of modern marriages, it becomes apparent that these once sacred promises often get lost in the hustle of daily life. The distinct roles once symbolized by the positions of the bride and groom during these rounds have blurred, and the institution of marriage itself seems to be facing unprecedented challenges.

Blurred Roles

Traditionally, the bride leads the first three rounds, and the groom leads the last four. This practice highlighted the complementary roles that both partners play in a marriage. In today’s world, these roles have significantly blurred. Gender roles in marriage have evolved, with both partners often sharing all responsibilities equally. This shift towards equality is positive but full of grey areas. This leads to confusion and conflict as couples navigate the balance of shared duties and individual expectations.

One profound impact of blurred roles could be couples mostly eating out, compromising on the prerequisite of nourishment and health of self and family, including children. In an urban setting, couples, sapped of energy with their career responsibilities and ambition, often compromise on progeny and family happiness for more material gain. This leads to a dilemma of pursuing more and more material gain at the expense of the purpose of marriage—the union of two soulmates.

Forgotten Promises

The seven promises, each laden with deep meaning, are often forgotten or overlooked in the daily grind. Modern marriages often falter in the following areas:

Nourishment: This promise extends beyond food to emotional and spiritual support. In the rush of modern life, couples may neglect this crucial aspect, leading to emotional distance and disconnect. Young people often presume that spirituality is a pursuit for the older generation, but they need it much more to destress and derive strength to fulfil their duties.

Strength: Supporting and protecting each other is fundamental, yet many couples struggle to find time for each other amidst busy schedules, leading to weakened bonds. I recall an experience at a famous bookstore where young homemakers, after sending their children off to school, would spend their time in a cafeteria, engaged in conversations about their new dresses and jewellery. This daily indulgence in unhealthy junk food and idle chatter raises concerns about their preparedness to provide strength during times of crisis. It’s great to remain positive, but not careless about one’s duties.

Prosperity: Managing resources judiciously is crucial, but many couples fall into credit card traps due to overspending. This often leads to unpleasant consequences. Transparent communication, trust, and joint problem-solving are required to navigate financial challenges and maintain prosperity.

Happiness: Sharing joy and sorrows is essential, but many couples fail to prioritize time together, leading to a loss of shared happiness and increased loneliness. This can result in misunderstandings, mistrust, and even extramarital relationships. Traditionally, men were responsible for sustaining family happiness, but many men today take their spouses for granted and neglect their duties. Middle-class values are being overshadowed by materialism, leading to a decline in family happiness.

Progeny: Raising children is a significant responsibility. Differing parenting styles and the stress of balancing work and family life often strain marriages. A new trend of substituting pets for children is emerging, which, while not inherently negative, should not replace the important aspect of raising children in a marriage.

Health: Leading a healthy life together includes physical, mental, and emotional health. Neglecting these aspects can lead to issues that affect the marriage deeply. The health and healthy lifestyle are often compromised in the name of lack of time and the pursuit of independence.

Friendship: Being best friends and confidants is vital, yet many couples grow apart due to lack of communication and mutual respect. This trend is disturbing and needs attention.

The Dying Institution

The institution of marriage itself seems to be under threat. Rising divorce rates, declining marriage rates, and increasing acceptance of alternative lifestyles indicate a shift away from traditional marriage. Several factors contribute to this trend:

• Individualism: Modern society places a high value on individualism and personal freedom, sometimes at the expense of collective responsibilities and commitments.
• Economic Independence: With both partners often being financially independent, the traditional economic interdependence that held marriages together is diminishing.
• Changing Values: Cultural and societal values are shifting, with greater acceptance of cohabitation, single parenthood, and other non-traditional family structures.
• Expectations: Unrealistic expectations from marriage, influenced by media and societal pressures, can lead to disappointment and disillusionment.

The Way Forward

To my mind, the pursuit of developing a healthy and stable society starts with instilling the right values in children. Boys and girls should be treated equally and taught to share responsibilities rather than shirk them. Both should learn mutual respect and contribute to household work. Parents must set an ideal example through their conduct, inculcating good habits and fostering strong family bonds, while also allocating time for spirituality. This approach can lay a solid foundation for a harmonious society.

To address the evolving dynamics of modern marriages, couples must embrace a proactive approach towards these timeless promises. This involves open communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to adapt traditional roles to contemporary realities. Couples can start by consciously incorporating the essence of the seven promises into their daily lives—nourishing each other emotionally and physically, supporting one another through challenges, and working together to build a prosperous, happy, and healthy family. By fostering a deep friendship and understanding, they can create a strong foundation that withstands the pressures of modern life. Encouraging a shared responsibility and maintaining the core values of love, respect, and commitment can help rejuvenate the institution of marriage, ensuring it remains a cherished and enduring bond today.

Conclusion

The ritual of the seven promises around the fire is a beautiful tradition that encapsulates the essence of a strong, committed partnership. However, as roles blur and promises are forgotten, the institution of marriage faces new challenges. By re-examining these promises and adapting them to our modern context, couples can find ways to honour these commitments and build resilient, fulfilling relationships. It is only through conscious effort and mutual respect that the essence of these ancient vows can be preserved in today’s rapidly changing world.

Marriage, despite its challenges, remains a profound journey. Reflecting on these promises and making a conscious effort to honour them can help couples navigate the complexities of modern life while preserving the core values that strengthen their bond.