Inspire Positivity

What we Were:

In the 1950s, as a young child aged four to six, I often returned from school to find a group of ladies from the neighbouring railway quarters gathered on our veranda. They would chat, soak in the winter sun, and share laughter while knitting sweaters for their families. This daily gathering continued until evening when they dispersed to welcome their husbands back from work. With TVs and radios considered luxury items, community interaction was paramount. Sharing stories, coming together for weddings, lending a helping hand in times of need, celebrating festivals, and exchanging culinary delights were cherished forms of entertainment. My home became a hub for childhood friends who relished the simple, comforting meals I offered, reciprocating the gesture in their own homes.

During neighbourhood events like weddings, neighbours would open their homes to accommodate guests, often coming together to assist in kitchen activities and prepare meals collectively. This communal spirit made the neighbourhood feel like an extended family. Following cultural norms, it was customary for relatives to drop by unannounced and be welcomed as guests, embodying the principle of ‘Atithi,’ where guests are not bound by specific arrival or departure dates. Failing to offer assistance to a relative could damage one’s reputation, a consequence no one wished to face.

The tradition persisted into the late 1960s in Delhi. However, gatherings among the ladies transitioned from individual homes to the lawns of the colony, resulting in a decrease in the frequency of food exchanges among friends. Nevertheless, the sense of community and willingness to assist neighbours and relatives during times of need remained strong. Then, in the 1970s, the rise of nuclear families and advancements in technology brought about significant changes. While relatives continued to entertain guests, they became less receptive to unannounced visitors, understanding the sudden burden it placed on the host. Despite this shift, the unspoken rule of mutual assistance and support among neighbours persisted.

The Transitional Phase:

In the mid-1970s, when we relocated to our present home in South Delhi, our neighbours, predominantly upper-middle-class tenants of the time, enjoyed socializing, playing cards, and spending leisure time together. However, they perceived us as belonging to a lower social stratum and were reluctant to mingle with us. Yet, on one occasion, when I notified the neighbour to my right about the illness of her close friend and our adjacent neighbour, her immediate reaction was to withdraw, which contradicted the communal norms we were accustomed to.

Initially, we perceived a division within the community, categorized into two groups: one inclined towards festivities and social gatherings, and the other, holding onto the cultural values ingrained in us since childhood. Despite this perceived dichotomy, the community continued to remain largely interconnected, extending helping hands to one another. In those days, for the celebration of community festivals like Guru Nanak’s birthday, the ladies of the colony would participate in cutting vegetables, and our children would happily serve ‘Langar Prasad’. However, this tradition, in keeping with the spirit of Guru Nanak’s teachings, is now offloaded to professional cooks and bearers, with individuals contributing monetarily and attending the event at their convenience.

As our family grew and our children entered the 1980s, it was commonplace to witness neighbourhood children playing alongside ours, forming bonds that endured over time. Friendships forged at the school bus stop persisted, transcending the confines of immediate neighbours. These connections became invaluable during times of need, such as when my wife and I faced health challenges. Our bus stop acquaintances provided unwavering support that remains etched in our memories. In contrast, during these trying periods, our supposedly ‘reliable’ neighbours distanced themselves, and the children who once played in our vicinity seemed oblivious to our presence. Faced with such attitudes and preoccupied with managing our health issues, we gradually isolated ourselves from the rest of the colony. I observed a shift in the demeanour of some neighbours as their children grew older—an emerging emphasis on individualism and a heightened desire for privacy, tendencies that were further exacerbated by the pandemic.

The Current Trends:

The primary aim of life for certain individuals seems to be maximizing the number of ‘likes’ they receive from strangers on social media. Even small acts of kindness, such as generously feeding a few people or showing affection to a long-lost elder, are promptly posted on Facebook or Instagram in an attempt to garner as many likes as possible, portraying themselves as the kindest and best human beings in the world. I find this artificiality deeply troubling, as it contradicts our innate social nature as humans. In my view, this behaviour may contribute to the rising incidence of mental illnesses that we are witnessing today.

The Impact:

This shift towards excessive privacy and individualism, and finding satisfaction solely in ‘likes’ obtained on social media, is not unique to our experience; rather, it appears to be the prevailing trend of our time. Following the pandemic, I’ve noticed a significant change in social interactions within our community. While gatherings primarily occur during organized events, they often involve restricted groups of unfamiliar individuals. Meanwhile, broader communication takes place through WhatsApp groups, inundated with forwarded messages. Initially, this influx of digital communication overwhelmed me to the extent that it strained my phone’s memory. To manage, I transferred the group to another device that I intermittently check. However, this adjustment led to me occasionally missing important messages, such as obituaries. Previously, Resident Welfare Associations (RWAs) would disseminate information through physical notes, but now, they refrain from doing so, citing concerns about residents’ privacy. Instead, there’s an assumption that everyone will receive and read WhatsApp messages in a timely manner. Witnessing such a significant shift in neighbourhood social behaviour during our lifetime poses challenges for older residents like us to adapt to.

Conclusion:

The discussion prompts us to reflect on crucial questions: Are we witnessing a pervasive trend towards excessive privacy and individualism? Is this shift conducive to the health of our society? And perhaps most importantly, is this alienation from natural social behaviour desirable?

These inquiries compel us to undertake a course correction and tread our paths carefully. In response, several actionable suggestions are proposed:

1. Reviving Community Festivals: Returning to the authentic spirit of community festivals, even if it necessitates sacrificing some modern comforts, can reignite a sense of togetherness. By encouraging younger generations to prioritize community welfare alongside their busy schedules, we can foster stronger social bonds and enhance personal well-being.
2. Promoting Intergenerational Interaction: Facilitating more opportunities for interaction between different age groups can bridge generational gaps and promote mutual understanding. Meaningful exchanges between young and old can enrich lives with diverse perspectives and experiences.
3. Designating Social Media-Free Days: Allocating a specific day each week as a social media-free day encourages individuals to disconnect from virtual networks and reconnect with traditional modes of communication. Embracing face-to-face interactions and offline activities revitalizes interpersonal relationships and reduces dependency on digital platforms.
4. Reviving Visiting Culture: Encouraging friends to revive the tradition of visiting each other’s homes fosters deeper connections and strengthens social bonds. By reviving this practice, individuals can cultivate meaningful relationships beyond online interactions and create lasting memories together.
5. Organizing Age-Appropriate Events: Hosting events tailored to different age groups promotes inclusivity and diversity within the community. From children’s games to adult social gatherings, providing opportunities for all ages to participate fosters a sense of belonging and camaraderie.
6. Facilitating Intergenerational Mentorship: Establishing structured programs that pair younger individuals with older mentors facilitates the exchange of knowledge, wisdom, and values. Through regular interactions, younger members gain valuable insights while older mentors contribute to the development of future generations.

Overall, implementing these suggestions holds the potential to reinvigorate community spirit, foster meaningful connections, and mitigate the adverse effects of excessive individualism and reliance on social media. It is through collective effort and conscious action that we can nurture thriving and interconnected communities for generations to come.

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