Disciplining children – a topic that has seen a remarkable transformation over the years, transitioning from the once-accepted adage of ‘Spare the rod and spoil the child’ to more nuanced, understanding approaches. In this exploration, we’ll delve into four generations, each contributing to the evolving narrative of raising responsible, well-adjusted members of society.
Times of British Rule: Prithvi’s Tale of Friendship and Resilience
In the midst of British rule in 1928, young Prithvi’s life in the small town of Palampur, Himachal Pradesh, unfolded with the enchanting backdrop of hills, trees, and springs. At just eight years old, he embarked on a three-mile journey to the nearest primary school, facing the challenges of undulating terrain and a sometimes-treacherous stream.
In those days, school supplies were vastly different. Prithvi wrote on a wooden slate coated with white clay, using a straw pen dipped in homemade ink. His school bag was a carefully stitched cloth bag, carrying a wooden slate, straw pens, an eraser, and a pencil.
Prithvi’s school experience was unique, as he shared a class with older students due to a shortage of teachers. The eldest, Tarsem, was a fifteen-year-old studying in class three. Despite the potential for physical punishment in schools, Prithvi’s teacher, Pandit Ji, adhered to non-violence and let students administer slaps for incorrect answers.
Prithvi’s father initially assigned a peon, Rai Singh, to escort him to school, but Prithvi yearned for more excitement. Joining a lively group of students, including his newfound best friend Tarsem, brought joy to his journey. The group’s adventures ranged from picking berries to experiencing the thrill of drinking milk straight from a goat.
However, the monsoon season brought new challenges. Prithvi, armed with an umbrella, faced an uncomfortable situation in class when he was directed Pandit Ji to administer a slap to Tarsem, who couldn’t solve a mathematics sum. The day ended on a tense note as the group approached a rain-swollen stream. Prithvi, unable to wade through, feared for his safety.
In a heartwarming gesture, Tarsem carried Prithvi on his back, navigating the stream and ensuring his friend’s safety. This act of friendship transcended the discomfort of the school incident. Tears of gratitude and love were shared as Tarsem and Prithvi, the best of friends, embraced each other on the other shore. Their bond remained unbroken, a testament to the purity of childhood friendship.
My Generation: An Unconventional Lesson in Mathematics
Fast forward to the next generation – my own. A personal anecdote from your school days paints a picture of a highly dedicated math teacher. The traditional expectation of meticulous notetaking met resistance from my young mind uninterested in the mundane task. But after a few months I was caught and received a couple of tight slaps as a punishment to discipline me. But my performance in the monthly test, became a turning point, leading to an unconventional exemption from the norm of taking notes. I learnt to shed my laziness and the teacher learnt to adopt a more individualistic approach in dealing with his pupil.
Children’s School Times: Parental Collaboration and Leading by Example
In my children’s school years, physical punishment was officially forbidden, signaling a shift in disciplinary methods. Teachers resorted to written notes in red ink to communicate concerns to parents. Parent-teacher meetings became forums for collaborative problem-solving, distinguishing two types of parents – those working with teachers and others blaming the teacher. My wife and me, however, believed that the teachers are already overloaded so a collaborative effort is required. Academically, we tried to build on what the child had already learnt in the school.
At home, our own approach as parents was, “To lead the child by example,” emphasized with quality family time, modest vacations, and shunning excessive TV. A simple rule that bore fruit as our children thrived.
Contemporary Times: The Challenges of Gadgets and Unrealistic Expectations
Today, in the era of grandchildren, the challenges have morphed. Disciplining without physical intervention is the new norm. However, the allure of gadgets and unrealistic expectations poses a unique dilemma for parents and teachers. The struggle intensifies when time becomes a scarce commodity due to work commitments.
I specifically wish to highlight the plight of domestic service providers and drivers who stay away in the cities and their children see them only as ‘ATMs.’ This generation grapples with an unbridled desire for more, leading to unsustainable borrowing, which can be frustrating.
Possible Direction: Fostering Responsibility Through Communication and Budgeting
To navigate this complex landscape, it is suggested to make children responsible from an early age. The path includes instilling good values, participation in household activities, family time, and open discussions. Communication becomes paramount, with encouragement for children to express themselves and participate in finding solutions collaboratively.
Additionally, I propose to introduce budgeting concepts early on, around the age of ten. This not only aims to make children responsible but also equips them to be valuable assets to society.
In conclusion, the evolution of disciplining methods mirrors the dynamic nature of parenting. From the rigid to the participatory, each generation contributes to refining the delicate balance of nurturing responsible, well-rounded individuals. The journey continues, and each chapter unveils new dimensions, demonstrating the resilience and adaptability of parenting through the ages.
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